I Need You
by Akiko Natsuko
Summary: I'm not going to lose him, he repeated, this time in the safety of his own thoughts, wishing that it sounded a little more convincing. Maybe it was because they'd had no news for him or the fact that it felt like he had been waiting a lifetime when it had only been half an hour or so, but everything felt fragile.


_He was asking for you._

Learning that Haruki had been in an accident was always going to be hard enough, but hearing that had done something to Akihiko, and his hands had been trembling from the moment that he'd got the call from the hospital. _He was asking for you._ For him, not for his family or any of the others, but for him, and he knew that he should read something into that, but right now the only thing he could focus on was the fact that Haruki was hurt and in the hospital.

And that he wanted him.

He had made it to the hospital somehow, still not entirely sure how he'd made the trip there without crashing, because the shaking had spread at some point until he felt as though he might come apart under the force of those five words. Somehow that made the whole situation feel worse because he was the one who spent more time on the road, and how many times had Haruki warned him to be careful when he'd left? Or let him stay over because he was in no state to ride his bike? Too many times to count, and yet here they were, Haruki in a hospital bed and Akihiko reduced to sitting in the waiting room, unable to do anything but wait for news.

It wasn't fair.

He was still trembling, but his hands were worse, and he clasped them together in his lap in a futile attempt to stop the shaking. He was attracting some curious looks, but he didn't care. Unable to focus on anything but the reason why he was here, and the fact that he would give anything for a cigarette right now. But he didn't dare move, worried that if he stepped outside even for a minute, then he would miss something. Besides, going outside for a smoke would just make him think about Haruki, as though there was any escaping that given the current situation, as he found his mind turning over his memories. Clinging to the happier ones, as though he was teetering on the edge of losing something precious.

"I'm not going to lose him." He hadn't meant to say the words aloud, and the sound of his own voice startled him, his head shooting upright. There were a few curious eyes still on him, but mercifully everyone seemed too wrapped up in their own emergencies to pay attention to him, and he took a shuddering breath. _I'm not going to lose him,_ he repeated, this time in the safety of his own thoughts, wishing that it sounded a little more convincing. Maybe it was because they'd had no news for him when he'd come charging through the doors, having barely remembered to remove his helmet or the fact that it felt like he had been waiting a lifetime when it had only been half an hour or so, but everything felt fragile. Like the slightest wrong word or move would bring the world crashing down around him.

_Haruki, I…_

His phone chimed, the sound deafening in the quiet of the waiting room and he fumbled for it, this time noting the disapproving looks but not caring, seizing on the distraction it offered. At least until he realised it was Ritsuka texting him, realising that he hadn't even thought about letting them know that something had happened, grimacing as he imagined the pair waiting for him and Haruki to show up, especially when Haruki…_is going to be fine. He's going to be fine. _He had to believe that otherwise, everything was going to fall apart, and he took a breath, aching for a smoke, as he stared at the message, trying to work out what to say. Haruki was better at this. He might have been able to gamble his way through the mess with Ritsuka and Mafuyu sorting their relationship out, but he still relied on Haruki for most things, and the other man always seemed to know what to say in these situations.

For a brief second, he imagined not telling them or giving them some half-hearted excuse, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Trying to tell himself it was because it would be a pain to deal with the fallout later, rather than the image of Haruki scowling at him disapprovingly. It was almost startling how clear the image was, and how intensely he wanted to avoid that situation and he worried at his bottom lip as he glanced up towards the doors blocking his path to Haruki. _I can't do this. _As though to call his bluff, his phone chimed again and he cursed as he realised that it was Mafayu this time, rubbing a hand over his face as he stared at the messages, before squaring his shoulders.

_**There's been an accident, and Haruki is in the hospital. I'm there now, and I will let you know when I know more.**_

Akihiko grimaced even as he typed the words. It sounded so simple when it was put like that, and his hands were steadier as he wrote it, but it wasn't enough. It didn't explain the panic that had gripped him and was still lurking beneath the surface. It didn't explain how it felt to be sat here, feeling as though everything could crumble in a minute. He hit send quickly before he could slip up and put any of that into the message. They didn't need to know all that, especially when he didn't know how he felt about it. Not that it mattered, as he'd barely sent the message before he was hit with a barrage of replies and he froze, staring at it, feeling more out of his depth than ever.

_Haruki… I need you._

"Nakayama, Haruki." His head shot up, all thoughts of replying to the others flying out of his head, and he was up and out of the seat before he could remember moving. He slid his phone away, as he moved across to the doctor, trying to look a bit more together than he felt right now, hiding his hands that were beginning to shake again behind his back.

"Is he all right?" He wasn't sure what the etiquette was supposed to be in this situation, but everything that had been building up from the moment he had heard _'he was asking for you'_ bubbled up as he took in the doctor's stern expression.

"You're Akihiko Kaji?" Akihiko gave a short nod, practically vibrating with the need for an answer and that must've shown in his expression because the doctor's expression softened a little. "Your friend was a very lucky young man. He's going to be in a cast for a little while, but he will be out of the hospital in a couple of days."

"He's okay…?" Akihiko echoed, needing the confirmation, feeling somewhat lost as all the panic that had gripped him had nowhere to go now.

"He will be," the doctor finally smiled. "They're just settling him in his room now, and then you may visit as he has been asking for you rather incessantly." Akihiko barely remembered to thank him before he was gone, clenching his hands together as they shook for another reason now as relief replaced the panic. _He's going to be okay,_ it still felt shaky, as though he couldn't quite let himself trust it. Maybe because he'd had a taste of what it might be like without Haruki at his side. _I need him,_ he admitted that to himself in the grip of his panic earlier, and now, with a slightly calmer mind, he realised that it was still true. No, it was even more so now that he knew that he wasn't about to lose Haruki, at least not to this, and slowly he straightened, letting his hands fall loosely at his sides as he took a deep, calming breath.

_He's going to be okay._

_And I need to tell him...something…_


End file.
